9:02 a.m. - 2005-03-14
Dear Crack Whore...
I want to thank my adoring public for the outpouring of love and well-wishes. You three people, you know who you are.
And Gump, I'm sorry I'm away too much.
There was something I left out the other day: news about the Quality Gala! See, every month, 5 random emails are selected for review, and they get graded according to how accurate and complete the information is. If you get 100% on all five reviews in a month, it's a perfect month. If you get 3 or more perfect months in a year, you get invited to the Quality Gala.
This year's Gala was exceptionally dorky. We got one free bath product, a tiny MagLight keychain, and dinner. But was it just any dinner? No, my friend. It was the biggest waste-of-time dinner I've been to since that Ethiopian buffet 16 years ago.
(That's not a mean joke, btw. Ethiopian food is intensely spicy, and I don't like spicy.)
So, what was served?
Spinach salad, which I hate.
It had mushrooms on it, which I hate.
And onions, which I'm not going to eat by themselves.
And hard-boiled eggs, which I don't like.
So I sat and politely stared (glared) at the salad until it was time to go up to the buffet. The buffet had:
Green beans almondine (guess how much I like green beans)
Chicken breasts smothered in red peppers (same thing with red peppers)
Pasta primavera (same thing with every other vegetable on the planet)
Cheesecake
Punch with scoops of ice cream floating in it
All the while, there are recognition speeches going on, so everybody's clapping like it's a State of the Union address.
And at this Quality Gala, where you're recognized for accuracy, they spelled my name wrong (again) and forgot to call me to stand up so I could get clapped at. Not that I wanted to, but come on. Accuracy, people.
By now, I'm sure I sound like a big Negative Nancy, but it's just to prove a couple of points: First, if this is what I get for not starting each email with, "Dear Crack Whore," then I'm not so sure it's worth it. Second, the Quality Gala is my incentive for giving accurate information, right? What incentive do I have to skip the accuracy and just go for speed? Having my name in a drawing for an iPod twice a month.
I'm beginning to see the error of my ways.
There's also some news about our cars, but I have things to do first so I'll have to come back later and tell that story.
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