11:52 a.m. - 2004-12-28
Holiday Update with Bonus Flashback
AGAIN, I find myself working, so this'll be a choppy entry.
Last night I finally moved the Land Yacht. Oh, but just getting my car out of its parking place wasn't enough. I had to have hilarity and hijinx.
Well, first, let me splain yesterday's post:
If Darren and I were on the Newlyweds Game (assuming that they extended the "newlywed" cutoff from 2 yrs to, like, 6 yrs), and Darren was asked, "What single thing your wife does makes you roll your eyes/grit your teeth/seethe the most?"
Well, we would get the Hawaii resort vacation right there, because it's my uncanny ability (hey, it's a gift) to warn my dear husband about impending doom and danger right after it happens. Seriously.
*stub*
"Watch it, don't stub your toe."
*trip*
"Look out for that thing on the floor."
*drop*
"Careful."
And, as an added bonus, if we were cartoons:
*clang*
"Anvil!"
So yeah, the warning to Asia yesterday was just me, showing Darren that he's not the only one I do that to.
Okay, on to the hilarity of getting my car to move.
Since the Snowfrake Attack last Wednesday, Eleanor the Land Yacht has only moved once. I took her out in the snow before it finished falling. So since Thursday, she's sat there without moving. On Sunday, I tried to scrape her off and take her to Breakfast With Daddy, but her wheels were spinning, so I took Truefluke's car instead.
Last night, Darren was at work when I wanted to go to Wally World, so I took it upon myself to make the Land Yacht roadworthy again. I removed about a hundred pounds of snew from the trunk lid while standing in deeper-than-knee-deep snew to get to the kitty litter in there, which I immediately found had a nice circular hole gnawed through it! YAY!
I inherited an empty coffee can with the car when I got it (don't know), so I used that to scoop up the litter while holding the trunk lid open with my head. After several trips to the front tires and the trunk, and to the driver's seat to see if I could get out, I finally rocked/twisted the car out of its icy prison. I'm only mildly interested in getting the rodent that chewed through the cat litter bag out of the car, because....
Some rodent has crawled into our dryer vent and died. My washer and dryer are in the upstairs bathroom, and yesterday I noticed the stench of death in there. I'm working overtime, so it'll just have to wait until I have a chance to find out if it made it to the dryer or if I have to get my landlord to get it out of the vent pipe.
I want to know why I can't just run the dryer for a few hours and bake the little carcass until it smells like chicken instead of rotting flesh. That should totally work. Shouldn't it?
I found a storage thingy at WalMart that I want, but I didn't get it because it's too big. I'll recruit Darren to help me with it this weekend (he'll probably read this before I get a chance to tell him). I did get a new showerhead, one that has a "water saver" option. This morning I was able to wash and condition my hair in the same shower without running out of hot water. The new shower is also a handheld, which makes the hair-rinsing faster, and of course I opted for a couple of fancy massage settings. :) My shoulders were hurting when I was shopping for showers.
There's a tiny leak issue with the new shower head, but I can take care of that easily enough.
Now's a good a time as any to tell the story about the snowbound crackheads at my old apartment. It was probably 6 years ago to this very day, in fact. Darren was visiting me for Christmas, and a similar Snowfrake Attack had occurred. When Frake Attacks happen in December, people in southern Ohio freak the hell out.
So my old apartment overlooked two other parking lots in the ghetto (in the ghet-toooo), and Darren and I watched four crackheads in the far parking lot on this snowy day in December. Darren was already laughing because he's Canadian and snow in December is such a non-issue. I mean, it was a bad storm, but Cincinnati always overreacts when it snows like this.
So we're sitting in my living room, looking out my window at these four crackheads in their puffy coats, knit caps, and their pants falling off. They lope over to their old Monte Carlo, as crackheads do, pile in, and start the car. While it was warming up, one of them got out and pushed snow around on the windshield. After about 5 minutes, they attempted to drive away, but there was too much snow and ice under the tires, and the tires were spinning.
ZIIIIIIIIZZ! ZI-I-I-IZZ! ZIZZ!
*pause*
ZI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-ZZZZZZZ!
This went on for about 5 more minutes, at which point, the crackheads filed back out of the car and into their building. They gave up. Not a single one had the thought to put a pebble under a tire or get out and push. As far as they were concerned, they were stranded. They couldn't make the one-block trip to the KFC, then hit up the UDF for their red Kool-Aid.
We laughed so hard, we almost peed.
I got Movie Boobs for Christmas. Yay! Darren got me a nice bra from Frederick's, and somehow it makes the girls sit up straight like it's picture day. Magic.
The whole Christmas shebang was full of magic, too. I had a good Christmas, especially since I went just a teensy bit overboard and spent more money than I usually do. I was so happy with the stuff I found for people...even those annoying candy canes that droned out those shrill, electronic carols when you pulled the trigger. Good thing there were only two.
And I took Claritin before going over to my aunt's house, so the arrival of the big boxer dog didn't even faze me.
I made some catnip mice for mom's cats and my sister's cats. Packet enjoyed helping me with that task. At one point, and I really apologize for not having a camera nearby when this happened, she got the lid off the catnip bowl and flipped the container into the air, then grabbed what was left in the bottom of the bowl and shoved her face into it, holding the bowl up to her face with her paws, all while rolling around on the floor.
Aaaand I'm spent.
EDIT: Darren also got me an awesome t-shirt that says "I'm blogging this." If I get around to it, I will get a picture of me in it and post it here, completing the circle of self-fulfilling prophecy. Sort of.
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