10:08 p.m. - 2004-10-12
foamings and musings
We-hell now. That was fun. I just spent 2 hours foaming. And just to make this entry a little longer while at the same time educating anyone who doesn't already know, "foaming" is what happens when your new stomach is blocked by something (in this case, Triscuits), and your regular saliva freaks out after you swallow it and starts going up and down your esophagus like it's pacing or something. And it gets all foamy, until it has enough air in it to make you feel like you're gonna explode or throw up, but when you throw up, all you get is foam.
WTF is wrong with Triscuits? I've been eating them all week! Stupid moody pouch. I thought we had an understanding, but Oscar totally renegged on me this week.
New favorite commercial: The Old Navy one with the girl who gets all happy about air. "What kind of lottery did my nose just win?!"
I still < heart > Scrubs. I bet if this show had been on when I was growing up, I'd have tried to be a doctor. Or at least thought about it more seriously.
I'm thinking about checking back in with the therapist that I saw before I had my surgery. He was cool, and when he spoke at our butterfly meeting, he said that no one had come back afterwards to let him know what was going on.
I don't feel that I'm in a place where I need therapy; I mean, things are looking up and I'm generally a lot happier these days. My confidence is way up, and that's to say that it's about normal. But I can't pretend that the person I was a year ago just up and vanished. I'm still here, carrying all that pre-weight-loss baggage with me. While I'm very proud of myself, I still get very emotional when I think of where I was a year ago. I don't want to forget, but I find it hard to think about without getting scared that I'll "end up fat again" just from thinking about it. Kind of like I'm invoking evil spirits or something. Perhaps a professional can help me sort through exactly how much baggage is a safe amount to keep with me. I dunno. I just don't want to end up a nut case years down the road because I didn't deal with issues when I was supposed to.
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