5:28 p.m. - 2004-10-09
blowing bubbles through my nipple rings, why? what are you up to?
Imagine that. If I get my lazy ass out of the house, I have shit to write about.

Last night, I went to the butterfly meeting. The speaker was Dr. Kessler, a ninja urologist*, who managed to scare me within the first 10 minutes of his speech (and the first 5-7 minutes were introduction).

I didn't think a urologist would be the most fitting speaker at a weight loss surgery support group, but I was quite wrong. From what he said, wls patients could actually be at a higher risk for kidney stones because we're purposely taking in more protein and calcium supplements.

He passed around beakers with kidney stones in them. Some were quite large, some were quite tiny. It reminded me of when I worked at Roto-Rooter, and one of the older plumbers - one of those guys that just knows everything about everything and won't hesitate to fill you in on every little detail - was off for a week or two because of pain from kidney stones. When he came back, he brought the kidney stones with him and taped them to his placard.

The system we were using to dispatch the drivers at that time involved us (the dispatchers and office staff) picking up, moving, and touching each driver's placard - a checkbook-sized piece of hard plastic - as he went from call to call. I think I'm permanently scarred from the experience of having to spend weeks looking at a plumber's kidney stones everyday and knowing where they came from.

Anyway, as long as I drink, like, my weight in water everyday, I should keep everything diluted enough to ward off such evils. Not that anyone could ward off that plumber.

One of the butterfly group's board members had a tummy tuck on Wednesday of this week to get rid of the excess skin from the incredible weight loss (bless her heart, she reached her "goal" weight and looks fantastic even without a tummy tuck). She had a second surgery last night because there were blood clots from pooled blood that didn't get drained (yuck! drains! yuck yuck!). She's doing well, and I'm very relieved to hear that.

On the way home, I mentioned to Mom that we should go swimming the next day (which, as it turns out, is today). Then we stopped at Kroger and got a buttload more of the protein shakes that are BOGO this week. I shouldn't have to buy more of them until December, I think.

I got up early this morning and met Ma down at the lake for some inline skating. We didn't really expect the instructor to show up; she sent him an email late last night. If he had arrived while we were there, we would have been just as happy, but I think we did okay. Ma was all decked out in her chartreuse and green Joe's Crab Shack t-shirt that she got on sale, very proud of herself for using a diaper pin to hold her car key on her shirt.

[Incidentally, I don't know how old this diaper pin is, but I think it was actually used on genuine cloth diapers. By the time my sister was born, disposable diapers had been invented, but I think my parents used those for backup purposes, mostly, because I remember a diaper pail in the bathroom.]

So we skated for about an hour and a half, turning, stopping, working on gliding more and windmilling less. In all those departments, we enjoyed stellar success. The stellar success stopped short in its tracks, however, when skating time ended and car-unlocking time began. I did not have a problem getting back into my car, because I had jeans on and could hang my keychain off my belt loop. My ever-clever mother, however, despite her diaper-pin genius, could not unlock her car door.

Turns out - and you might want to take notes on this - the ignition key won't unlock the door.

We drove back up to her house in my car, which is barely a mile away, if that, but we never walk it because there's no sidewalk there and it's all uphill (well, the one way is), to get Dad's AAA card and call them. Then we drove back down to the lake and chatted about geese, the Pope, Nelson Mandela, European bedclothes, plenary indulgences, the various differences between memory loss at ages 30 and 55, and Ma's upcoming trip to Italy.

Eventually, and not a moment too soon, the AAA guy showed up and popped the lock open within 2 minutes. Turns out, I knew him from Roto-Rooter. Not the one with the kidney stones, though - a much nicer guy. He remembered me, too, and complimented my red hair and my smile over and over again. Shucks. [blush]

We went on to the pool next, and had a good time swimming around the kids who were there for swim practice. Mom and I both experienced annoying leg cramps when we tried to swim, so we both jogged a few laps instead. At one point I tried to swim, but when I looked up at the surface of the water there was a giant loogie hanging down like a jellyfish. Ugh! I turned around and went back to the wall, and told Ma, "Eww, there's a big loogie floating in my lane, and it's all hanging down in the water, like..." (this is where I made the 'hanging' gesture with my fingers). And she said, "Ew, like a jellyfish?"

Shortly after that, we switched to the therapy pool, which makes the heated lap pool feel like a polar dip. Mom borrowed my goggles to swim in the therapy pool and remarked that everything seemed so much brighter. Turns out that yes, when your goggles aren't tinted, things do seem a little brighter.

Then we went into the hot tub (yay) and then we showered. Not together, but it's worth mentioning because the hot water doesn't run out. I think I've gone over this before.

You know how you always try to blow bubbles through your nipple rings when you're cleaning them?

Oh come on, you do too. Even if you don't have your buttons pierced (learned a new euphemism for 'nipples' today), you know you would try it.

Well, you can all be jealous of me because I blew two bubbles through the ring on Lefty today. (As usual, Righty was being uncooperative.)

But yay, me! W00t!

After the swimming, we ate lunch at Chipotle. We split the crispy tacos (had 2 each) and I had chips with guacamole for the first time. I generally don't like organic foods that are green, but this wasn't so bad. While we ate, my sister showed up, so she sat with us and we talked and chatted until everyone grew tired and silent. At that point, we decided it was time to "go home", which means "go into the parking lot and talk some more".

Eventually, we all got in our cars and left. And that brings us to "now", which is where I currently am.

Purple decided she was going to be helpful today and fill us in on all these important little details about October, so we should all thank her because now we know it's National Sarcastic Awareness Month. I'm so glad she took time out of her incredibly busy schedule to share this with us.

Celebrate with me, won't you? It would make me so happy.

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